found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
