no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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