i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
