I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
