So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
