I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Less talking, more tequila
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize