I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
