He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
