also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
