I need help removing her.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
