So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
