got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
