Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
