Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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