Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
