my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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