I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
