My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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