So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
