I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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