you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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