Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
