dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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