piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
