i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
