I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
