$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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