How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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