She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
