Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
