Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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