I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
