I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
tell me about the fingering
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