Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
this boner is exhausting
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
