I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
