searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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