There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
