Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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