So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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