you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize