i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize