Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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