I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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