is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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