Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
