guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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