ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
