There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
