Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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