saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
