she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
