So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
