i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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