I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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