you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
