omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
