i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
