honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
