My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
