3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize