you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
