A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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