Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
