you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
