Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
