He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
