Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
