I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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