I understand Curling. That high.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize