I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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