I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How does it feel to date your dad?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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