Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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