The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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