No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
