my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
