i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
