i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
