I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
